If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
