We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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