so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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