Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
