call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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