wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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