you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
