Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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