I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
