he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
