It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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