She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
