Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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