Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
