my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
