I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
