Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My breasts were aching with rage.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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