Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
