I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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