Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
