You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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