So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
