someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Randomize
