Me too!
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
