Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
