my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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