omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
What a dumb baby whore.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
