I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I wear drunk well.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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