i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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