Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
