I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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