all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
