There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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