the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
