Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
