Porn is love you can see.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
