I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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