You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
