TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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