I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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