They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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