i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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