1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize