It's like God shit irony all over that family
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
