why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
