Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Bring me that man meat
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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