every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
