one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
we should paint friendship bongs
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
