But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
