I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
