HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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