we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
