I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
