found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
