I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
