and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
