I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
