I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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