ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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