i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
