Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
