So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
