I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
