Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
