I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
