His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
