I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
