everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
