i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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