I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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