If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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