Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
