sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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