You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize