I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
