That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
