someone threw a dead crab at me
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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